Five fashion crimes students commit during exam time

June 13, 2017
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There is no time as dire as exam time. The study break before exams has the ability to magnify and intensify any and every emotion, reaction and experience. During exam time, being left on seen becomes 10 times as bad as usual – the minutes and hours pass by in long agony as your Human Biol lectures tick past at twice the speed. Your laziness and apathy towards self-preservation also hits peak levels. While I am a strong advocate for comfort, there are some serious fashion misdemeanours that need to stop ASAP.

Socks and ANY type of unenclosed footwear

Socks and thongs have been frowned upon for millennia. Unless you’re running outside to bring the bins in before it rains, there is no feasible reason to intentionally leave the house wearing socks and shoes that aren’t enclosed. There is no way it’s comfortable either. Then there’s socks and Birkenstocks – the ultimate combination of cold toes and excessive privilege in one complete look. I get it. You’re pretentious and choose to show that through leather sandals; but summer is over so put the Birks away and invest in a pair of overpriced Reeboks like the rest of us. Also don’t you worry about puddles? Honestly, what a mine field.

‘Statement’ yoga pants

There are a few scenes I actively hope to avoid seeing while pursuing an understanding of Constitutional Law. A thinly netted, yoga-pants-enclosed butt being one of them. Like Mumma Lamb would say, just cover your “naughty bits” because there ain’t anyone needing or wanting to see it. Having a little modestly is especially important in a library where everyone’s eye line is at waist level.  Wear a baggy jumper. It’s not hard.

Purely aesthetic beanies

If your beanie is clinging onto life as hard as you are during your study break, it might be time to depart from the ‘look’.  Beanies are for cold ears so if yours isn’t touching them, it’s a sign that you probably look ridiculous. From my understanding, beanies are part of a broader ‘Hobo Chic’ look so it might be acceptable, but to be honest during exam time you probably already look dishevelled so leave the rhetorical beanie at home.

Festival attire

This a message to all freshers – the library is not GTM. Anything beaded/see-through/excessively floral does not belong there. That goes for your heeled boots and short skirts too – its 12 degrees outside so put a pair a pair of jeans on. And guys, don’t think this doesn’t apply to you too. Low cut singlets are not OK – I do not need to see your nipples. I get that you “bulk” but leave the “gun show” for your Instagram and get a shirt with proper arms. Thank you.

The Great Unwashed

Why is it now ‘cool’ or ‘lit’ or ‘woke’ (someone help me) to “live in the library”? If you brag about staying there for 20 plus hours that’s not worthy of admiration, it’s just sad.  I don’t personally subscribe to the “I don’t have to shower during winter” ideology and neither should anyone spending time in a public venue. Showering is not an optional part of your day, it’s an express obligation. Shampoo wouldn’t go astray either.

If in doubt, the uniform of choice should be jeans, hoodie and a perpetual resting bitch face. That way, no one asks you if they can sit at the end of your empty library table and you can maintain the blissful isolation while you wait for a reply to your seen message. 

Danica Lamb

Danica is a Laws Masters kid at UWA. She enjoys cheap coffee and 80s pop music.

Image: Broad City